Berhyme

The flag of the bloody Orkneys

BERHYME

Verb trans. Also berime. Late 16th century.

[from BE- + RHYME verb or noun]

Compose rhymes about; lampoon in rhyme.

In fairness to the Orkneys and Orcadians, the author of the poem below, Captain Hamish Blair, sounds like a (bloody) miserable git. Apparently posted to the Scottish islands during World War II, it's fair to say that he never really settled in and spent most of his time trying to watch old movies and getting rebuffed by the local women. He did, however, find time to lampoon the islands, their people and their local government through the medium of rhyme and therefore gives us a stellar example for the verb berhyme.

The Bloody Orkneys

by Captain Hamish Blair

This bloody town's a bloody cuss -

No bloody trains, no bloody bus,

And no one cares for bloody us -

In bloody Orkney.

The bloody roads are bloody bad,

The bloody folks are bloody mad,

They'd make the brightest bloody sad,

In bloody Orkney.

All bloody clouds, and bloody rains,

No bloody kerbs, no bloody drains, 

The council's got no bloody brains

In bloody Orkney.

Everything's so bloody dear,

A bloody bob for bloody beer,

And is it good? - no bloody fear,

In bloody Orkney.

The bloody 'flicks' are bloody old,

The bloody seats are bloody cold,

You can't get in for bloody gold,

In bloody Orkney.

The bloody dances make you smile,

The bloody band is bloody vile,

It only cramps your bloody style,

In bloody Orkney.

No bloody sport, no bloody games,

No bloody fun, the bloody dames

Won't even give their bloody names

In bloody Orkney

Best bloody place is bloody bed,

With bloody ice on bloody head,

You might as well be bloody dead,

In bloody Orkney.

Unimpressed with the Captain's somewhat biased depiction of their beloved islands, there is an apocryphal Orcadian stanza floating around too:

Captain Hamish 'Bloody' Blair

Isna posted here nae mare

But no one seems to bloody care

In bloody Orkney.

Ouch! Touché! Consider yourself berhymed, Captain! Clearly the pencils were sharpened for that little zinger. If you have any favourite examples of berhyming, or if you'd like to compose a little rhyme yourself, do feel free to do so below (there will be one bajillion points to anyone that can successfully rhyme something with Lexicolatry - I tried and I failed horribly).