Monday, 18 November 2013

Bumf - "Strong, Thick and Thoroughly Absorbent"

Parody, Spoof, The Daily Mail, Bumf, Bumph


Noun. Slang. Also bumph. Late 19th century.
[Abbreviation of bum-fodder sub-voce BUM noun.]

Toilet paper; worthless literature;
(usually derogatory) documents, official papers.

I have a dream: in this anthropocene, arboricidal era that we've created, a time when the Earth is straining under our mismanagement of its finite resources, I say that, if we are to allow junk mail and other such bumf, that it must never, ever be made of glossy paper. Thus, you and I, the common man and woman, we will be at leisure to dispose of it smoothly and comfortably in the privacy of our own bathrooms. As for the Daily Mail, it must be quilted - triple-ply quilted velvet. Even then I'm not sure I could actually bring myself to ... y'know ... buy it.

Junk mail
Photo by Dvortygirl

Is there any type of bumf that particularly irks you?

Do you also find it charming that they used a word like bum-fodder in the 19th century?

Do please wipe the slate clean in the common box below.


  1. I understand that in the eighteenth century some books of sermons were advertised as being printed on specially soft paper...

  2. And yet, Edward, as recently as just yesterday your post included a link to, and this might shock the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the

    The article in question was dated March of this year causing us to wonder for how long exactly you have been denying your secret, insidious life as a Daily Mail reader.

    May I also submit a sample of opinions from (an entity which I believe should be exposed as a subsidiary of The Daily Mail) that betray an obvious influence from the newspaper:

    Brunet - "Brunettes can be really bitchy."

    Brumal - You describe yourself as 'safe and secure from the biting wind that bellows outside' which is clearly a comment on immigration.

    Brum - 'Brummies {are} stupid and uneducated'

    Budgie - The post, in its entirety, was unadulterated scaremongering, leading readers to feel there are swathes of Australian male models arriving at Heathrow, exacerbating Britain's illicit budgie trade.

    The prosecution rests.


    1. Yes, it's true - yesterday's post did link to article from This was, however, to reference an article by Melissa Kite, a respected journalist who writes for a number of different papers, including The Spectator and The Telegraph, and whose views are not necessarily representative of The Daily Mail's editorial policies, as evidenced by the fact that her piece contains not one reference to illegal immigration, benefit fraud or the death of Diana.

      Brunet - You're clearly taking this quote out of context to portray Lexi in a negative light. The full quote from the post on 'brunet' is: "Not like blondes, anyway, who, as everyone knows, are really rather stupid. Oh, and brunettes can be really bitchy. And they're no fun."

      Brumal - This quote couldn't be any less Daily Mail - a truly Mailesque story would run as "Hard working, honest window-cleaner forced to work through winter while benefit cheats, immigrants, scroungers and everyone slightly different stays indoors and uses tax payers' money to wax lyrical about the beauty of a harsh winter. A harsh winter which probably killed Diana. And was caused by foreigners."

      Brum - Linked and referenced (and not to The Daily Mail) as an example of British cultural stereotypes. And then thoroughly debunked, I might add.

      Budgie - Oh dear, oh dear. The model isn't Australian - the budgie is Australian. Why would you just assume that because he's involved in the illegal movement of contraband, he must be Australian? How positively curious.

      The prosecution rests? It *rests*? Did it even get up?

    2. I accept your gracious retraction and eagerly await your apology.


  3. As long as people use their critical thinking when they read, trashy stuff can't really be a threat. The problem is that there are too many stupid people. :)

    p.s: Don't worry about the award. You don't have to answer. When I pass it on to other blogs, it's usually a form of appreciation, hoping that the readers of my blog will click on the links. Sometimes, I find the questions really silly, so really, don't feel obliged to answer.

    p.s 2: -C, if you don't have a twitter account, please make one and be sure to let us know!

    1. Awww thanks, but I don't dare tweet. Maybe one day, if ed invigilated.


    2. I'm pro C-tweet too. The world needs more Clueless!

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