Catastrophe - A Real Bummer

This photo breaks my heart every time I look at it.
(photo by Big Ben in Japan)

CATASTROPHE

Noun. Mid-16th century.

[Latin catastropha from Greek katastrophe overturning, sudden turn, from katastrephein, formed as CATA- + strephein turn.]

1 The dénouement of a play, especially a tragedy;

the final resolution of a novel etc. M16

2(a) A disastrous conclusion; overthrow, ruin, calamitous fate. L16

2(b) obsolete. The buttocks. jocular. rare (Shakespeare). Only in L16

3(a) A revolutionary event. L17

3(b) GEOLOGY. (An event causing) a sudden upheaval or discontinuity in the stratigraphic record. M19

4 A sudden or widespread or noteworthy disaster.; an extreme misfortune. M18

Also:

catastrophic adj. of or pertaining to a catastrophe; disastrous, dreadful. M19

catastrophical adj. = CATASTROPHIC E19

catastrophically adv. L19

Oh how very Greek. How very Greek indeed! In fact, I don't think Lexicolatry has covered a Greeker word than catastrophe; it just exudes an indefinable Greekness from every tragic phoneme and dramatic syllable. And d'you know what? I love it as a word. Considering how steeped in catastrophic tragedy Grecian culture is, it's unsurprising that catastrophe has its roots in drama, as the catastrophe was the sudden denouement of a play, particularly when it was a shocking reversal of what the audience expected (think Tom Hanks getting shot by Jude Law right at the end of Road to Perdition, just when it seemed everything was going tickety-boo).

One of catastrophe's greatest qualities as a word, however, is its evolution away from its thespian roots. Yes, of course, catastrophe can mean a genuine, ground-splitting, world-ending disaster, but it can also be used just as comfortably to describe, say, your oven going on the blink half an hour before your boss and his wife arrive for dinner. And what about a dropped ice-cream? Oh my word! Is there anything more catastrophically tragic than a dropped ice-cream? For what was a only a fleeting moment, a child held a single scoop of pure happiness in her hand. It was everything - the excitement, the anticipation, the wonder of the cool, delicious bliss to come. And then? Splat. In an instant, the child's entire world is unceremoniously spattered across the unyielding pavement. Oh one almost weeps just thinking about it.

And yes, finally, in Shakespearean English, a catastrophe was a pair of buttocks, as immortalised in the line:

"Away you scullion! You rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!"

Henry IV Part II 

Crude Shakespearean language aside (and I do apologise for such), I say without hesitation that I'm in favour of reinstating this gluteus catastrophe, either as an adjective - "Maaan! That is one catastrophic set of glutes you got there!" - or as a noun - "I see ya baby! Shaking that catastrophe!" Of course, my feeble favours are nothing without the will of the masses, so it's up to all of us: use catastrophe today to refer to your own bottom, and together we will return this wonderful word to its rightful place.

Seriously, is there anything more catastrophic than a dropped ice-cream?

Has anyone ever admired your catastrophe?

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